As a side bonus, do it enough and you will have BUNS OF STEEL. Squeezing and releasing your butt-hole recruits many major muscle- and nerve groups, gets a lot of blood flowing, and makes you look like you're at least as nervous as a liar, when all you're doing are some rhythmic bum-squeezes. But if you ever need to beat a polygraph, just pucker up - your butt, that is. They're fine for super-macho super-spies for whom a punctured toe is a badge of honor. Thumbtacks in your shoe are overkill, though. So when they told a lie, any additional nervousness would be swamped by the crazy parasympathetic nervous system jitterbug their bodies were jangling through. Supposedly, spies used to keep a thumbtack in their shoe and they could wiggle their toes against it to make their nervous systems do the Charleston at just the right moment to make their 'calm' state seem pretty damned nervous. Which is why it's useful to inject a few little extra signs of anxiety into the process. Or someone who's been kidnapped by a couple of private mercenaries who've threatened to take him to their hideout if he doesn't cooperate.īut sometimes, lie detectors can tell the difference between normal nervousness and lying nervousness.

That's the 'It's better than nothing' stupidity I mentioned before, remember?īut there're plenty of people who start off nervous - say, people who're nervous because they're taking a lie detector test on which depends their job or their freedom. So lie detectors work great, except when it comes to the most dangerous liars in the world. That's pretty much the definition of a sociopath, in fact: someone who doesn't have any reaction to a lie. There's plenty of cool customers who're capable of lying without any outward signs of anxiety, because they're not feeling any anxiety. The theory is that people get more nervous when they're lying, and that nervousness can be measured by the gadget. Here's the thing about lie detectors: they work by measuring the signs of nervousness, like increases in pulse, respiration, and yeah, sweatiness.

That was when I started puckering and unpuckering my anus. These, at least, were non-tactical, emblazoned instead with German writing and an unfamiliar logo. Each one went in over a smear of conductive jelly that came out of a disposable packet, like the ketchup packets you get at McDonald's. He had a lot of electrodes and he was going to use 'em all, that much was clear. He fitted me with a blood pressure cuff - yeah, it was a tactical cuff, which clearly made this guy as happy as a pig in shit - and then started in with the electrodes. It's a rehearsal for the readings I'll be giving at schools and libraries when I leave for my 22-city US tour next week. Ere's a reading from my upcoming novel, Homeland, the sequel to Little Brother.

Homeland cory doctorow